How do we choose a high school for our daughter?
What changes in 9th grade for girls, the questions that matter at a Bais Yaakov or girls high school, and how to involve her without handing her the decision.
Choosing a high school for a daughter is a different process from choosing a mesivta for a son, and families who have done both say the girls' process is more about environment and less about the learning program. Here is how to think about it.
Start with the people who know her
Her mechaneches and principal have watched her for years. Ask them directly: which schools would she grow in, and why? Ask them about the social side as much as the academic side; at this age it is half the decision.
What to look for on a visit
- How do the older girls carry themselves, and how do they treat the younger ones?
- How does the school talk about girls who are strong in one area and struggling in another? Every girl is both.
- What does the school do in the first month to bring new girls in?
- How does the school communicate with parents, and about what?
- What is the approach to seminary, and what does the school say about the years after?
Questions for the principal
- What does a girl who thrives here look like?
- What happens when a girl is struggling socially?
- How are classes grouped, and can a girl move during the year?
- What is the dress code, and how is it enforced?
- How do you handle a girl who disagrees with something?
Involve her, but hold the decision
Bring her to visits. Ask what she noticed. Let her ask questions. Then make the decision as parents, with her input, and tell her why. A fourteen-year-old who chose her own school carries that choice as a burden when things get hard. A fourteen-year-old whose parents chose with her, and explained, has somewhere to stand.
Applications and timing
Most girls high schools open applications in the winter of 8th grade, interview through Adar, and send decisions before Pesach. Two or three applications is typical. If there is an assessment, ask what it covers so she can review without pressure.
When she is not accepted
It happens, and it is almost never about her. Call the principal, ask for honest advice, and look again at the list. Many families say the second choice was the right one from the start.
Written by the ChinuchPlace team
Educators and administrators who work in yeshivos and mesivtas, writing what we tell friends who ask. Nothing here is sponsored, and no school is named.
Questions parents ask
- When do girls high schools accept applications?
- Most take applications in the winter of 8th grade and interview before Pesach. Dates vary by school and community.
- Should she go where her friends are going?
- Friends matter at fourteen, and so does a fresh start. Ask the school how it integrates new girls, and weigh that against the comfort of a familiar group.
- Do girls high schools have entrance exams?
- Many have an interview and a short assessment. Some have a written test. Ask each school what to expect so she can prepare without pressure.
Ready to look?
Every program on the shelf, with the facts families ask about first.